This is for you

You, the one burnt-out on rejections, strung out on Coca Cola, pajama'd and bespectacled, hunched over your keyboard alternately banging away, wheedling the muse, cursing the heavens, or flopping desperately on the floor. The one with cheese crunchy stains on your cheeks and a pile of unwashed dishes in the sink. The one who waits all day long for a few hours at the computer, only to stare blankly at the screen. The one who cheers every time your document passes another thousand word mark. Who gets the best ideas right before falling asleep, then has to get up and type through the night. The one who dreams big and can practically see your name on the cover of a book, shining before you on a Barnes and Noble recommended table, with an Oprah sticker on the front, and that magical text proclaiming, "New York Times Bestselling Author." The one who can't count the number of times you've seen that dream deflate when you realize you can't even write a single sentence and freaking heavens why can't you just have an attainable dream for once in your life!!! The word junkie, the grammar Nazi, the bookstore browser, the blog reader, the wiki hound, the story dreamer, the tweeter, and the one whose fingers ache at the end of the day. The one who swings daily between self-loathing, despair and euphoria.

The one who lives in story worlds.

This is for you.

I feel your pain.

What are you struggling with right now?

Reader's log:

17. Dreamland - Sarah Dessen

18. Blood Tide - Dave Barry, Ridley Pearson

19. Delirium - Lauren Oliver

Nasty Little Habits

Scandalous.

I should make this entry sexier for Valentines day. Hmmmm... maybe you could imagine Barry White reading it out-loud to you? Are you imagining that? Good. Let's get back to what we were talking about.

Nasty little habits.

Eating too many twix bars or cheese crunchies while typing. Getting gunk in my keyboard and not cleaning it out until the keys stop working. Leaving half empty glasses of water everywhere or forgetting to check for phone calls because I'm deep in the middle of a draft.

Or, using the word "that" in places where it serves no purpose. Inserting adverbs where I could do swimmingly without. Changing POV for a chapter because I feel like it. Using words because they're pretty and not because they're the best fit. Double spacing blog entries. Using passive voice as an act of rebellion. Sentence fragments.

Funny how the little things in life can be the most insidious. Funny how the rules are actually there for a reason, but that doesn't prevent me from racing past them as full speed. Funny how sometimes it's endearing and sometimes it's annoying. Funny how I don't always know the difference.

Guess that's what learning is for.

Nasty little habits.

Now you know mine.

Tell me yours.

Are You a Genre Reader?

If a book looks interesting I'll generally read it, regardless of genre, but there are some themes I'm drawn to more than others.

I'll admit it, I like a melancholy story. If a book ends too happily, I mistrust it. The hero can triumph, but I need a sense that something has been lost along the way.

On the flip side, I hate feeling like every thread of hope has been completely decimated. When a book ends in complete destruction it feels like a cheap out. It reminds of the stories kids used to write in elementary school when they killed off all their characters to make an ending. Misery porn. Bleh.

I think there's something about the human mind that rebels when you offer it too much or too little hope. It can recognize the untrue thing, just as it can spot bad CGI.

I like ensemble stories. I'm interested in seeing how an author can successfully drawn me into a group of people and invest me in their dynamics. So many book characters are lonely, trying to make it through the world on their own. But the loneliness of characters in a group is rarer to read.

I like the fantastic. I like wild ideas that will draw me into plots I couldn't have imagined. I like seeing the same old human conflicts given new complexity through crazy worlds and different belief systems.

I like powerful questions. The author doesn't have to answer the questions, but I love it when they thoroughly explore them. I especially like ambiguity. A question is raised and there is no clear solution. Every choice brings the potential for collapse. I feel that way every time I fill out my ballot.

What I don't like: anything heartwarming. If a book or movie uses the word heartwarming to describe itself, I'm probably going to put it back. Apparently my heart doesn't like to be warmed.

What themes or patterns do you find yourself drawn to over and over again. Which ones do you reject? Does this plant you within a few genres, or is there a lot of overlap?

Old Houses

My great aunt and uncle had an extraordinary house. It was one of those mysterious, brick homes on a street lines with ancient trees that are more commonly found on the eastern part of the continent. The home had been in our family forever. We used to go visiting when we were in that part of the country. The house was wondrous enough to transform me from a hyperactive child who never shut up into an awestruck creature with enormous eyes. Walking through the front door was like walking into a book. The staircase was dark and narrow. We weren't allowed to climb it, because the upstairs had been converted into apartments and rented out.

My great aunt and uncle lived in the ground floor apartment to the left of the stairs. Our arrival was always greeted with the sharp, happy barks of Jacque, their little scottish terrier. My sister and I sat primly on the antique couch and looked up at portraits and paintings that were nothing like those in our friends' houses. When we used the bathroom we stepped gingerly over the puppy fence and stole glances of the ancient bedroom and kitchen. Everything smelled like linens, perfume, sunshine, and terrier.

I started having dreams about the house. In my mind the upper floors expanded to become an entire wonderland. My sister and I climbed up a little ladder in the bedroom and found ourselves running through room after room. There were secret passageways and seemingly no end to the parade of wonders. Like the downstairs apartment, the upstairs rooms with filled with curios from other eras, but without the dimming effect of time.

I loved those dreams, even when scary things chased me through the house. I loved to explore and push the limits of the dream to see exactly how large my imaginary world was. Every time I thought I'd come to the end of it, there was something new to discover. Another twist would lead me to a room I hadn't seen yet.

All of this to explain why I create. Curiosity. For me, the apartment below is my every day brain. The brain I don't have to work so hard to use. The one that has answers at the ready. The rest of the house is my creative brain and I'm determined to see exactly how far it stretches. Every time I make a dance or write a story I'm adding another room. Guess I'll keep going until I run out of space.

What about you? What were the things in your childhood that fascinated you? The places that seemed more like book worlds than reality? Do you think they spurred you on to a creative life?

Reader's log:

12. The Last Years of Nijinsky - Romola Nijinsky

Roadtrip Wednesday #65: Groundhog Day

Road Trip Wednesday is a "Blog Carnival" where YA Highway's contributors post a weekly writing or reading related question and answer it on our blogs. You can hop from destination to destination and get everybody's unique take on the topic. Check it out here: YA Highway

This Week's Topic

In the movie Groundhog Day Bill Murray has to relive the same day over and over. What books would you pick to read over and over for the rest of your life?

I haven't seen the movie in a looooong time, but I remember liking it. Weird kid that I was, I laughed quite a bit at the scenes where Bill Murray keeps killing himself and waking up the next morning.

The idea of reading only a small collection of books for the rest of my life is a little terrifying. Even answering this challenge is scary, because I have a completely illogical fear that someone will hold me to my answers. Ahhhhhh!!!!

Here they are, in no particular order:

Book One:

The Martian Chronicles

I love all of Bradbury's work, so choosing just one is difficult. He's one of the writers who made me want to write with his endless imagination, and love of nostalgia, horror, impossible things, beautiful worlds, and people who veer from despicable to intensely hopeful. Why Martian Chronicles? Because, as a portrait of a slowly changing world, it's endlessly readable. Also, it's one of the first books that got me into science fiction.

Book Two:

Jane Eyre

I love this book. I read it for the first time as a young KidSarah and found Jane instantly relatable. I still hold that she's one of the best written heroines of all time. Charlotte Bronte's writing is lush and beautiful without seeming overly cluttered. She's a master of description and tone. Plus, secrets, mysteries and moral quandaries! Dark, gothic English mansions! Dangerous, sexy Rochester!

Book Three:

The Prophet

If you're wondering why I would choose this book, read the following quotes:

"You shall be together when white wings of death scatter your days.

Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.

But, let there be spaces in your togetherness,

And let winds of the heavens dance between you."

"Life is indeed darkness save where there is urge,

And all urge is blind save when there is knowledge,

And all knowledge is vain save when there is work,

And all work is empty save when there is love."

"You can muffle the drum, and you can loosen the strings of the lyre, but who shall command the skylark not to sing?"

Book Four:

The Creative Habit

Sure, Twyla Tharp is a choreographer, but this book is essential reading for any artist. Absolutely brilliant and will revolutionize the way that you work. Tharp is an extremely intelligent woman and her body of work speaks for itself. It's also comprehensive enough that you can read it over and over again, getting something new every time.

Book Five:

The 101 Dalmatians

Back before Disney turned it into a franchise, there was this beautiful little book. This is my comfort novel. I'm not always obsessed with books about animals, but this one is so honest, gentle and loving. The dogs' adventures take on a whole new meaning in the hands of Dodie Smith. Most people look at me like I'm crazy if I tell them that I love this book. Trust me. Read it. It's a wonderful thing.

Okay, I'm getting tired. But, I can't give up! Here's the rest of my list:

6. Lord of the Rings Trilogy - There's so much in there. How can you not? The most epic of all epic fantasies, yet it takes time to sit with each of its characters and infuse them with personalities. So creative! So influential. One of the most hopeful books ever.

7. Never Let Me Go - For pure beauty of prose.

8. The Bible - Whether or not you choose to subscribe to the message within, you can't argue with the fact that this is one of the most influential books ever. Plus, lots of stories!

9. The Beekeeper's Apprentice and accompanying series - Gotta squeeze some mystery in there, and these are my favorites of all time. Even more than the original Sherlock stories? Tricky to say, but they sure are enjoyable reads. Plus, they span a wide range of countries, environments and topics. I love the strong, female main character.

10. A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court - My favorite of Mark Twain's book. Funny, smart, strange, interesting, and sad. Love it.

11. Chronicles of Narnia - Despite the movies trying to mess with my affection for these books, I'll still include them. Eventually the memory of the films will retreat, but I'll still have Lewis's creative and refreshing stories. I can't tell you how many times as a kid I wished Aslan would invite me to Narnia!

12. The Brothers Karamazov - Because it has everything a good book could ever imagine having.

This list could be extremely different if you asked me on a different day. If you made it through all of that, congrats!

Currently Listening:

Pack Up - Eliza Doolittle