I'm not creating blog entries. Did you notice? Just when I hit one hundred followers, the entries stopped. (By the way, thanks so much for your followship, guys! I really appreciate it.)
I'm not writing, either. You probably didn't notice, as you have no way of knowing, unless you're following me around in creepy spy vans, or standing across the street with a pair of binoculars held up to your eyes. *puts on clothes*
You see, I have this story. It's a pretty good story, almost a really good story, except I have to fix a few little things. Things that shouldn't take much time at all. Then, I can send it out to the world and have an amazing agent fall in love with it, followed by an amazing editor and then the rest of the world. I just have to fix these few little things.
Emotions are weird and I didn't realize until today why I haven't fixed these few little things. Why I'm wandering around dreaming up new ideas for new stories and actually humoring the possibility of not even querying my current project. What? I spent a year writing a story. I know it's pretty decent. I don't query it? What's going on with my brain? Why would I even consider that?
Maybe I'm afraid of success? Maybe I know this story has a chance and I'm afraid of that possibility.
Maybe I'm just busy. Well, that's true. I am busy. But, I've been busier and gotten more work done. So, that doesn't count.
Or, maybe I'm so normal that it's embarrassing. Failure. Ah, yes, my old friend failure. The possibility that this story, the one that's actually quite good, might not make it. The best I can do isn't good enough. Isn't right. Isn't wanted. Again.
I'd rather just snuggle up in the world where acceptance is still a possibility. Where I don't have to read the rejection letters filling my inbox. I can just imagine and pretend that everyone loves my story. Everyone wants me.
But I can't live here much longer. :/
Bleh. Stupid, human emotions. Stupid fear. Kill them all!
What about you? Has fear of failure ever kept you from doing something you wanted to do?