I Am Batman

My husband thinks it's hilarious when I assert that I am Batman. After all, I'm just a girl. I'm just a writer and a dancer - someone who makes pretty things. I don't have awesome, flying fists of fury (or do it?).

Still, I'm Batman. I have to be.

Let's go back about... 13 years. (Man, I'm old). 13 years ago there was a young, idealistic dancer who believed that she was on her way to, not only a professional dance career, but possibly lots of money, fame and fortune. Sure, money, fame and fortune are not the normal rewards of a dance career, but this dancer truly believed that she was special. She was going to be the exception.

In her first year of university, this dancer got cast in multiple "high profile" dances. In her head, this only validated her awesomeness. All her friends were so impressed! It was going to be great!

But, the rehearsal process ended up being harder than anything she'd ever undergone. Every night her body screamed, aching and seizing up horribly. She was always a little behind the other dancers, who were more experienced than she was. She couldn't seem to get anything right. Every triumph was followed by ten struggles. Every day, more rehearsals were scheduled. Three quarters of the way through the process, she injured her back. It hurt all the time, but she kept going.

She kept going because, not only did she have the ingrown sense of masochism so many dancers possess, but because she really believed in the dances she was doing. She knew they were complex and meaningful - richer than anything she'd ever been a part of. They were beautiful, and she was willing to wreck her body in order to be a part of that beauty.

But, she wasn't Batman, yet.

Eventually, performance week arrived. The young dancer gave it everything she had. She danced to the best of her ability and beyond. She probably would have given a limb, or at least a finger, for those dances. She knew that all her experience and hard work had led her to that point.

And.... everyone loved her! Her friends and family were so impressed. Finally, she'd done it! She'd lived up to her potential!

The next week, she was sitting at lunch with a few people she didn't know well. Expecting more praise, she asked them what they'd though of the show. They said it was okay for the most part, but them they started trashing her dances. Her dances. She wasn't sure whether or not they were aware that she was in those particular dances, but their comments were brutal. They were mean. They were downright evil, but, if you squinted and looked at it from a different perspective, they might have been legitimate.

It hurt. It undermined all the work, all the pain, all the strain, and even the tears. How could they? How could they casually disregard all of her effort? All her years of work to get to that point? She'd bled for their pleasure, after all!

Why dance, if she wasn't going to be respected? Why perform, if people wouldn't understand? What if she was just a sideshow, or a diversion? Wasn't she worth more than that?

But, even though she didn't always know why, she kept dancing. She kept putting herself out there, even though she knew people wouldn't always get it. She'd look like a fool sometimes. Heck, she'd be a fool sometimes.

That was the beginning. That's when I started to be Batman.

Don't bleed so that people will love you. There's not enough blood and there will never be enough people. That's not to say that you shouldn't bleed - just be a little wiser in where you spend it. People will hate you. Even worse, they'll be indifferent. And it will hurt more every time. And sometimes the hardest thing in the world is to keep going. Keep fighting.

I'm still fighting.

That's why I'm Batman. For now.

That's why all writers who keep writing, despite the growing pile of rejections, are Batman. That's why bad reviews shouldn't matter, at least, not in the break-your-spirit kind of way. There will always, always be bad reviews - some eloquently stated, others unfair. That's the cost of doing what you love. That's why you gotta be Batman. Learn what you can and move on. Write. Dance. Grow. Take the punches. Maybe you win and maybe you lose. Doesn't matter. Be Batman.

Hiya Strangers!

You'll have to excuse the dust; I've been doing some updating on the blog and things are shifting rapidly. Hopefully my readers are okay with change and won't run away shrieking. (Actually, I kind of think it would be awesome if a blog redesign could inspire that kind of reaction). Why the change? Well, I just felt like going for something sparser, yet more personalized. There will be more changes to come.

I also went through and cleaned up the tags. Now you can actually use them for navigation, as opposed to before when their purpose was more ornamental/snarky.

Summer is a bit of a catch-up time for me. I'm still working during the day, but teaching eases off while the kids are out of school. Chimera, the company I direct, is also on hiatus for a couple of months in order to give me time to prepare for next year's show. Next year we'll be incorporating actors into our show and putting together an experimental theater piece with text and dancing. I've never done anything like this before, so it's a huge, scary undertaking. At the same time, I'm so thrilled by the idea of a new challenge. I don't think I'm happy unless I'm a little bit scared and I have so many ideas! It will be amazing. Or awful. Whatever it is, at least it won't be boring.

Hubby and I went to New York about a week ago and it was pretty amazing. This was my first trip to New York and it was an amazing, crazy, hot whirlwind. I've dreamt of visiting New York every since I was a kid and hooked on films like Fame and A Chorus Line. So glad that I've finally walked those streets. :)

While in New York we were fortunate enough to get to see The Book of Mormon, which was irreverent, sacrilegious and hilarious (as expected). What I didn't expect, was the amount of thought and care that went into the music, staging and actual plot of the musical. This wasn't just a show build around a few jokes. It was an honest-to-goodness theatrical experience with a wonderfully committed cast and creative production team.

We went to another show, as well. This one is a little harder to sum up, as it was one of the most unique and memorable theatrical experiences I've ever had. If you're a fan of Gossip Girl, you might have heard of it, since apparently it was featured on that show. It's a production by Punchdrunk called Sleep No More and it is outstanding. If you have the opportunity (and don't mind things that are a little traumatic/messed up) you should not miss the opportunity to experience this. I'll try to elaborate without spoiling too much, because this is the kind of show that should not be spoiled.

Basically, it's an interactive theatrical experience. The production took over three abandoned warehouses and used them to build the most elaborate set I've ever seen. Called the McKittrick Hotel, guests are invited to explore all six floors on their own, drifting through graveyards, shops, cabarets, sanatoriums, and more. The rooms are endlessly detailed and filled with clues. As the night wears on, a modernized version of Macbeth, with elements of Rebecca thrown in, starts to build all around the hotel. Action happens simultaneously on every floor, even in adjoining rooms. Putting the whole story together is next to impossible, but that adds to the appeal. Even though guests wear masks and are discouraged from speaking, they still play a part in what occurs, shadowing performers and sometimes stepping into the story itself. Here's a great, somewhat spoilery review: New York Times.

It was the most immersive show I've ever attended. Sleep No More felt like something I'd been hoping to experience my whole life, though I didn't know it until I was there.

What about you? Any big projects in the works, or summer trips planned? Seen any interesting shows lately? How are things? :)