Some December Reflections for Ye Olde Blogg

It's now the last month of 2018 and between the parties and trips to the movie theater (there are so many great films out right now!) I find myself reflecting on my first year of working as a freelancer.

Part of the reason I switched to freelancing was because I hoped it would be a way to push myself and to deepen my experience. While there have been ups and down, I can confidently say that I am exiting this year with far more knowledge than I entered it with. I've learned a tremendous amount about my field and I've also gotten to do research on a number of different topics and industries. I even took on projects outside my comfort zone. (Would you believe it if I told you I recorded voiceovers for one of my clients? I did! And it was kind of fun.)

Freelancing forces me to sell myself in a way I haven't always been comfortable doing. Sure, I know I'm a great writer, but telling people why and what I can do for them? That can make me feel a little squirmy. But, I'm improving!

Another unexpected result of this year has been my discovery of my comedic voice. Sure, I was always a bit of a smarty pants on Slack, typing jokes for the lols. But I never thought much about it. Then, at the beginning of the year, I learned about Medium, a platform for writers and readers to connect. Freelancers are often advised to try and build an audience on Medium, as it can amplify their voices and create opportunities.

So, I resolved to start an account.

What I didn't expect was that I'd end up writing satire. That was never my intent. I thought I'd write helpful articles about copywriting and freelancing, etc. Instead, what came out, and what my readers seemed drawn to, were my humorous pieces. It turns out, there's also a very active group of users dedicated to writing comedy on the site. Getting to know them on Medium and on Twitter has been way cooler than I could have imagined.

At the same time my follower count was growing, I wondered whether my satirical articles might hurt my freelancing career. I questioned whether to feature them on my portfolio, or even my website. Perhaps potential clients would be scared off by my excessive use of sarcasm and inclination to make up funny words? In truth, that hasn't been my experience. I've had clients tell me they read my articles on Medium and it was actually the content of those articles that sold them on me. I wouldn't have expected that! But it turns out way more people are weirdos than I could have imagined.

When you make the choice to freelance, a lot of people will tell you the key to making lots of cash is to specialize. I struggle with this advice because I find so many different things fascinating. Eventually I will need to narrow my offerings and choose the area in which I want to specialize. But, at the moment, I'm really enjoying exploring lots of different things. I'm still making dances and I even create designs for my clients and illustrations for my Redbubble shop.

I asked Mike if he were to find a common thread between all the projects I take on, what would that thread be? He thought about it for a moment, then came back with, "Whimsy gilded in darkness." I'm glad I married someone so articulate. And I like the idea of whimsy gilded in darkness. Sure, I can write in all kinds of different voices and I enjoy creating work on many different themes. But whimsy coated in darkness feels essential, like it gets to the root of who I am. So, we'll stick with that for now and see where it grows in 2019.

Thanks for reading and please have a wonderful holiday season.

Status Update

Hi there! A number of things have changed in my life recently, so this seems like a good place for a bit of a status update. (Also, a good way to prove that I do still blog from time to time.) 😜

A few months ago I left a job I'd been at for six years. It wasn't a bad job at all. I learned a lot while I was there, the people were funny and kind, and I had the opportunity to really hone my content creation skills.

So why did I quit my job?

I wanted to accelerate my learning. Freelancing allows me to work for a variety of different clients within a bunch of different industries, which means that I'm absorbing new information on a daily basis. I'm also forced to step up and promote myself in ways that are uncomfortable, but important for growth. Have I become smarter in the last few months? Am I able to offer more value? Without hesitation, my answer would be "yes".

Ultimately, I came to a point where I could step out on a limb and choose to build something really challenging and invigorating, or I could stay where I was comfortable. I'm going to try the challenging and invigorating thing for a little while. 😉

So, what have I been doing exactly? A number of different things. I'm helping clients grow their social media followings. I'm rewriting websites. I'm crafting articles. I'm helping create more SEO-friendly product descriptions and I'm designing infographics and business cards. All stuff that I'm really passionate about. If you'd like more info on my services and experience, check out my portfolio HERE!

I've also started writing on Medium HERE, which has been an awesome experience. It's become an outlet for my satirical tendencies and I'm honored to have had my work featured in some pretty cool publications. I try to write new content 2-4 times a week, so there's a lot to look at (warning, if you have an allergy to sarcasm or the occasional swear word, this might not be your thing).

Normally I do a blog post of my best movies of the year. I haven't gotten around to it yet, but it isn't because I'm lazy or because I've forgotten. I'm actually still catching up on films from 2017. The Lofgies will happen! I just need to make a few more trips to Scarecrow Video before I settle on which movies were my favorites.

If you made it this far in the entry, I'll go ahead and let you in on a secret. 😳

I haven't "officially" announced this yet, but I've started a RedBubble store. I always wanted a little store of my own where I could share my illustrations with the world, but it was one of those things I never got around to doing. Now I've done it! I'm still adding artwork and fussing around with the products, but, since you're a special blog reader, you can have a sneak peek here: OTTER GROTTO.

They're really just silly, fun little sketches, but if anything connects with you personally, it would mean a lot if you liked it on the site or even invited it into your home.

Thanks for reading!

Thoughts on the Threshold

There's a moment before you cross a suspension bridge when time gets weird. You can feel your heart beating at a rhythm and pace that seem all wrong and the world becomes uncomfortably clear.

Lately I've been thinking about liminal spaces. Maybe you've heard of them. The light rail station. A waiting room in a hospital. An airport. The moments after you put in your two weeks notice.

Liminal spaces are special not for what they are, but for the experiences they connect. They have a very specific, distinct feeling. When you're in a liminal space, you haven't entered into the next phase, but you're living at the threshold of the new.

That's where I find myself now.

I'm leaving a job I've been at since 2012. Though I have ideas and plans, I couldn't tell you exactly what's going to happen next. And that's terrifying, but it's also sort of exciting. I've learned that if an idea both terrifies and excites me, then I can't just leave it lying on the floor. I need to pick it up and see it through.

So, if you're finding yourself in a liminal space of your own, here is the main principle I'm trying to apply to this experience.

Have faith.

The restlessness is scary. Not knowing what comes next is anxiety-inducing. Shedding the old is... not easy. But it's necessary if we are to grow. And if we're resistant to growth, our work isn't going to be worth a damn.

So try to believe you are where you're meant to be and you're capable of doing the work you'll need to do. This is only one stop on the journey. Don't let yourself get pulled too far into doubt, if you can help it. Everyone goes through this at some point. Keeping a flash of hope alive will pull you onwards.

And, while you're trying to keep the faith in your journey alive, don't let the naysayers direct your vessel too far off course. People are going to tell you you're doing it wrong. They might be scared for you if you step too far away from the prescribed path. Try to see wisdom for what it is, but don't confuse it with fear or a love of comfort and predictability. If your spirit is calling you, it's your responsibility to meet it.

It's easy to think you don't belong or even that the world doesn't need your voice.

You're the one who has walked this path, who did the work to get to this point. You carry the pain, both earned and undeserved, as well as all the lessons learned along the way. That means your voice and your perspective belong to you alone. And that makes these things special. I believe that the world can always use more people striving to make it wilder, wiser and more loving.

So don't worry about whether you're needed or whether you'll be accepted.

That isn't your job.

Your job is to step out onto that bridge.

And keep walking.

2016 Top Ten Films.... Lofgie Time!

The Lofgies are a special award I give to my ten favorite films of the year. These are the films that moved me and stuck with me. They expanded my world and gave me something to chew on. (Please note, I've listed them in alphabetical order).

10 Cloverfield Lane

10 Cloverfield Lane took me by surprise. It was getting great buzz, so I gave it a chance and ended up enjoying it far more than anticipated. What helped was an excellent performance by John Goodman, who can go from terrifying to endearing before my heart has a chance to slow down. The movie takes a twisty path, but the turns are based on real, human psychology and not cheap shocks or scares. The tension is real and, though I know some found them to be a point of contention, the sci-fi elements worked for me.

Arrival

These are exciting times for film buffs who love science fiction. We're getting so many different flavors and angles, it almost makes me excited for the actual future. Arrival won me over based on the nerdy, process-based approach it took to its central dilemma. The emotion in the film is affecting, but what makes everything work is the satisfying process of unwinding the puzzle, as well as the excellent cinematography and acting. Though I left the film with one big disappointment (no spoilers), I was still moved and excited by everything I'd witnessed.

Don't Think Twice

Performing artists in their 30s will identify with much of this film. I certainly did, finding much that was familiar, much that hurt and much that made me laugh. The cast has great chemistry, creating an interesting group dynamic, and the film's style is light, natural and engrossing. Since Don't Think Twice is set in the world of improvisational comedy, I expected the laughs to come quicker and cheaper, but instead they were wry, thoughtful and inescapably human.

Hunt for the Wilderpeople

There's a touch of Anne of Green Gables in Hunt for the Wilderpeople, where a foster kid with a  talent for rebellion slowly forges a bond with the displeased older man who finds himself in the role of caretaker, a bigger task than anyone could have imagined. It's a funny and thoughtful film, with plenty of adventure and beautiful shots of the New Zealand bush. Rhys Darby also makes an appearance, which pushes the overall hilarity up several notches.

Kubo and the Two Strings

Laika, the production company behind Kubo and the Two Strings, is developing quite the reputation for gorgeous and challenging children's movies. This film is no different. Kubo and the Two Strings is filled with action and adventure, but at the heart of the plot is the bond between family. It's beautiful and funny, but one of the movie's strongest points is its assertion that victories are won not through strength, but because of courage, love and artistry.

The Lobster

The Lobster is very strange. This must be acknowledged before anything else is acknowledged. This is a strange movie and you will not always understand what is happening or why it is happening. Though, you might laugh and occasionally cringe. Ultimately, The Lobster is an exploration of how we are shaped by social norms and rules, how our actual physical presence on this earth gets battered down to fit into the correct size hole, especially in regards to romantic relationships. Highly recommended if normal Hollywood fare is getting a little too predictable for you.

Moonlight

Moonlight is a beautifully shot and scored ode to the troubled process of growing up when you never quite fit into your world or feel comfortable in your skin. It follows Chiron, an awkward and quiet kid, through three different stages of his life. In each stage, he navigates the expectations of who he's supposed to be, the dangers of who he really is and the relentless hunger for validation and love. It's a film that is gentle and harsh, quiet and angry, but ultimately hopeful.

Paterson

Paterson is consumed with patterns. It shows us the world from its main character's point of view, a man named Paterson who drives busses in the city of Paterson, New Jersey. He makes connection after connection between moments and themes, processing everything and writing it down in a private notebook. It seems a simple film, until you attempt to write a simple review that reflects the humility of it and realize how many lovely little moments of truth and beauty it contains.

Sing Street

This one's for all the rebels and the nerds, as well as anyone who has dreamed of starting a rock band and becoming awesome. Sing Street is set in the Dublin of the 80s, where the big dreams of its young misfits are set against a world that doesn't give them much reason to hope. The movie's pulse is in its music, which fits perfectly with the ambitions of the characters. Its strength is in its message: Don't hold back.

Train to Busan

Train to Busan boasts a straightforward formula: train + zombies = wow. It does it with flair. The zombies are hardcore, the effects are dazzling, the characters are sympathetic, and the overall effect is something that will make you hold tight to your chair. As with the best zombie movies, Train to Busan is also a study of how people choose to react in the worst of situations and whether fear drives them to take their places with the monsters, or rise above their circumstances.

Honorable Mentions:

• Everybody Wants Some!!
• Hidden Figures
• La La Land 
• Manchester By The Sea 
• Silence

At the time of this entry I haven't seen: A Bigger Splash, Elle, Hacksaw Ridge, Lion, The Witch 

The Lofgies - 2015 Edition

Hi everyone! Here it is, my top ten films of 2015 (ranked alphabetically). I have to admit, it was a weird year for film and a few of these movies might seem like odd picks, but their presence here is mostly explained by the fact that they stuck with me, making me feel something long after I viewed them. I also agonized a bit over these choices, shifting a few movies between Top Ten and Honorable Mention status.

Here we go…

Anomalisa

There isn't another film out there quite like Anomalisa. It's a bit of a downer, but it's so creative about its depressive qualities that I can't help but forgive it and be a bit haunted by it. The lead character navigates a limited world where every face and voice seems a bit familiar. Then, something changes. Anamolisa is such a weird and thoughtful little film, where every choice is intentional and no moment is wasted.

Bridge of Spies

Bridge of Spies is an old-fashioned, grown-up movie that harkens back to films like To Kill a Mockingbird and Mr. Smith Goes to Washington, acknowledging how messy the world can be, but giving us faith that it can still be changed for the better with enough backbone. The shots of East Berlin are breathtaking, letting you see the city's dark future being built brick by brick. Mark Rylance gives an excellent supporting performance that helps make the movie. Strongly recommended for history buffs.

Brooklyn

Brooklyn is the beautifully filmed story of a young Irish woman immigrating to the United States. As such, it succeeds brilliantly, showing how it feels to be alone, immersed in a completely different world and trying to build a new life. It's a quiet and lovingly detailed experience that brings the past to life. Saoirse Ronan kills it in the leading role and her shyness and strength help build a portrait of the American experience that is both specific and universal.

Dope

Dope is here because of its rhythm, balance of pessimism and optimism, and the articulate world it creates where the indie film quirks and misadventures might not only ruin your shot at a top college, but could also get you killed. Though the stakes aren't always felt as powerfully as they would be in a more serious movie, Dope paints its central characters clearly and sympathetically. This movie wrestles with some big questions, but it also has a distinct humor and charm.

Inside Out

Inside Out is an amazing gem of a film, dealing with a high-minded, cerebral (ha ha) concept and making it digestible for the tiniest of tots. That doesn't mean it takes the easy way out. This movie maps out the inner workings of the mind, painting it in colorful, imaginative brushstrokes, without trivializing the real pain that comes with growing up. As with the best Pixar films, Inside Out is both fun and silently devastating.

Love & Mercy

I don't like biopics very much. There's such a predictable path to your typical biopic that I tend to get really bored and annoyed. However, I do very much enjoy process-oriented movies. Love & Mercy takes the wise choice of not just following Bryan Wilson around for a while, but instead digging into his struggles and process. It's thrilling to watch familiar musical cues emerge as everyone else scrambles to understand what seems like madness.

Mad Max: Fury Road

Let's all hope that Mad Max: Fury Road revolutionizes the action movie. Let's all hope that action directors are inspirited to let real human bodies fly through the air and be pulled down by real gravity. Let's hope they set aside the same filters, the same music, the same structure that's always kind of worked in the past. Let's hope they start imagining bigger worlds, bolder worlds and weirder worlds. Because now we know what we've been missing.

Shaun the Sheep

Anyone who can watch Shaun the Sheep without smiling is probably a psychopath. I realize that's a bold statement, but I mean it. The care and creativity with which this film was crafted is a real testament to the art of stop animation. There are a million things to look at in any moment and each frame is stuffed with a sense of genuine fun. It's not often we get films that manage to be clever, funny and gentle.

Spotlight

Remember back when I said I love movies about process? Welp, Spotlight manages to tick that box and tick it with vigor. While the topic could be filled with overwrought sentiment and self-righteousness, Spotlight balances the emotional aspects of the sex scandals perfectly, without minimizing the pain of the victims portrayed. It shows the value of challenging the status quo, asking the right questions and amplifying the voices of the powerless.

What We Do in the Shadows

If there's a funny bone anywhere in your body, you need to check out What We Do in the Shadows. There were a few moments when I lost it entirely, which I don't normally do in the theater. But it was okay, because everyone else was losing it, too. Yes, vampires are a little played out, but that just gives more ammunition to What We Do in the Shadows. If I didn't suspect it might result in my untimely death, I'd be so down to hang out with these unconventional flatmates.

Honorable Mentions:

• Going Clear
• The Hateful Eight
• The Revenant
• Sicario
• Z for Zachariah

2015 films making a lot of top ten lists that I haven't seen: Room, 45 Years, It Follows, Tangerine, Creed, Son of Saul, Beasts of No Nation

Tips for the Socially Awkward Dancer

It's no picnic being socially awkward. You tend to say the wrong thing at the wrong time,  inadvertently hurt people's feelings, walk into stationary objects, have no idea when to stop (or start) talking, and get excited at inappropriate moments. It feels like you missed a day at school and, while you were gone, everyone else learned how to communicate with each other.

I started dancing so I would be cool.

Because I wasn't cool.

I saw people dancing and they seemed cool, so I figured I'd dance and be cool, too.

But you can't chase your own dorkiness away with a few hitch-kicks and a pirouette. As a matter of fact, the further your average awkward human gets into the world of dance, the more they might feel hamstrung by their social limitations. Dance is about communication. It's about collaboration. It's about moving with confidence. It's about being able to hold 1000 different conversations with your audience.

There's also an ingrained hierarchy to much of the dance world, which means you have to be able to network your butt off if you want to get ahead. Not the easiest task for the socially awkward amongst us.

Here are a few tips that have worked for me:

1. Don't take it personally.

There are all kinds of people in the world. Chances are, a lot of them aren't going to "get you". Taking it personally can cripple your progress. Brush it off, keep working on your chaine turns and find a positive mantra you can repeat to yourself. Negative thoughts are easy to dwell on. Don't get lost going down that path.

2. Find your tribe.

No matter how alone you might feel, there are others out there like you. Maybe they're in dance class. Maybe they aren't. Maybe they're online. Maybe they aren't. You might have to put some effort into those relationships, but they can be invaluable. Not just for the support and validation you get out of them, but for the support and validation you can give. Which leads us to our next tip…

3. It isn't about you.

Self-conciousness is often at the root of social awkwardness. You grow overly aware of every little thing you're doing or saying, subscribing too much weight to those moments, and allowing them to crumble beneath an artificial importance. You don't have to do this. Instead, ask a question. Ask a follow-up question. Allow yourself to think about what you're being told. (Normal people out there might laugh, but this doesn't come naturally to everyone.) If you can turn the spotlight softly onto someone else, that means you don't have to burn beneath its light.

4. Fake it till you make it, baby.

Dancers hear this a lot, but it's true. Pretend you're a bad ass and, not only might you trick a couple of people, you might also convince yourself. Keep putting yourself in challenging positions and don't let discomfort or fear stop you from giving it 100%. If dancers only danced the way they felt at any given time, we would end up with a lot of tired, hungry, cranky dances. It's the same way for conversation.

5. But don't sacrifice your authenticity.

"ARGHHHHH," you're probably saying. "How am I supposed to fake it while I make it, and be authentic at the same time?"

Beats me. I'm still working on it.

If you figure it out, let me know.

Here's the good news:

This is the best time in history to be a socially awkward dancer. Our culture is embracing nerds like never before, the internet gives us previously unheard of opportunities to connect with like-minded people and there are a million fun, wacky and weird things going on in the dance world. Being different allows you to contribute to dance in a way that is wholly unique. Eventually, if you stick around, the awkwardness that haunted you so much early on becomes a gift.

Show us the world from your point of view.

My Top Films of 2014 - The Lofgies

Time for the Lofgies, folks! I know you've been eagerly awaiting this one. :)

Just a few words before we start - I acknowledge that there might be better movies out there, but these are the ones that spoke to me personally, stuck with me over time and got me excited about the art of film. Movies I've seen more recently have a bit of an advantage since they're fresher in my mind, but I try to be as fair as I can.

Alrighty. Ranked alphabetically and not in order of preference…. here we go!

The Boxtrolls

Laika, the production company behind The Boxtrolls, is killing it. Their films are so lovingly crafted, so creative and visually astounding that it's almost impossible not to be entertained. The Boxtrolls is set in the town of Cheesebridge (I know!) where the inventive and skuzzy boxtrolls squeak out an existence underground, away from the humans who hate and fear them. There's a lot more about a cheese-loving mayor, his adventurous daughter, a kidnapped baby, and a Snatcher who steals the movie. The Boxtrolls drips with detail and boasts a handful of genuinely moving moments. Though it might be a bit grotesque for very young children, The Boxtrolls has a level of personality and sophistication that make it an animated film to remember.

Boyhood

Boyhood is quite the accomplishment and I would argue that all the attention and praise it has earned is deserved. Watching the cast grow up before your eyes is strange and moving, but this film earns its accolades in the quiet moments, the snapshots of a childhood filled with awkwardness, love and misunderstandings. Linklater captures the way it feels to spend your childhood fumbling toward genuine connection and understanding. Boyhood is a movie that isn't afraid to ask questions. It understands that growing up only means the questions get bigger and the moments of connection more precious.

Calvary

Calvary captures its viewers from the very first minutes, setting up a scenario rife with tension and unease. It also introduces us to Father James, a priest played masterfully by Brendan Gleeson. In an Scottish town where the Catholic Church is increasingly mistrusted and irrelevant, Father James does everything he can to reach out to his disinterested community. But is his compassion a liability or a gift? Can selflessness undo any of the horror that selfishness visits upon us? Is the act of forgiveness worth the cost? It sounds kinda serious, but this is also a movie that moves quickly and knows how to milk a laugh.

Frank

Surprise entry! Frank is a quirky little film that follows a few of the familiar indie beats. What elevates it for me is the remarkable performance Michael Fassbender gives as Frank, as well as the movie's enthralling portrayal of the creative act. Why do we create? For recognition, or because there's something inside us that must be released? Frank follows an experimental, underground band during the process of creating their album. They're quirky and, viewed through the eyes of outsider Jon (Domhnall Gleeson) they might even be deranged. The tension between Jon, who wants to be famous and Frank, a purer soul, creates dynamics which pay off in spades for the viewer. Oh yeah, and Michael Fassbender wears a big, plastic head for most of the film, so there's that.

The Grand Budapest Hotel

The Grand Budapest Hotel is the most Wes Andersony film you could imagine, with varying screen ratios, loads of miniatures, nesting stories, and plenty of deadpan quips. It's cute and startling and odd. The music works. The caper is suspenseful. Ralph Fiennes steps into his role like he was born for it (how delightful is he when he's having a good time?). Moments of poignancy and nostalgia give The Grand Budapest Hotel a weight that keeps it from getting overwhelmed by its own kitsch. Though there are a ton of details and cares taken, it's the storytelling that stands out.

Only Lovers Left Alive

This is a lush, impassioned, hazy adventure of a film. Labelled a vampire hangout movie by reviewers, Only Lovers Left Alive revisits the vampire mythology in a way that feels fresh and untainted by any of the silliness we've been subjected to in other recent vampire movies. Tilda Swinton and Tom Hiddleston are electric together and they're so believable as ancient beings both gifted and burdened by immortality. Sure there's some plot stuff that happens, but the characters and the murky midnight world they live in are the real stars of this film.

Snowpiercer

We could stand to have more action movies like Snowpiercer. Sure, the dystopian theme isn't the most original ever, but the conviction and creativity with which this movie treats its plot is inspiring. The action scenes are shocking and breathtaking. The worlds encountered are completely unique. The actors sell the story, with a few supporting characters (like Tilda Swinton and Alison Pill) getting standout moments to shine. It's just a beautiful, brutal and enthralling piece of filmmaking. More like this, please.

Two Days, One Night

Two Days, One Night is about a journey out of depression. In unglamorous fashion, it follows Sandra (Marion Cotillard) as she fights to save her job. Even though she'd rather hide away in bed, she hits the pavement, pitching her story to anyone with the power to help. Two Days, One Night uses repetition to great effect, playing with variations that allow the overall theme to add up to something greater. Marion inhabits her character so fully that you can't help but feel for her, afraid that each new discouragement might be one too many. A powerful portrayal of depression.

Under the Skin

Even though it's about an alien roaming around Scotland, I identified with this movie and found it extremely emotional. Under the Skin is a bizarre experiment, but it's one that works. Scarlett Johansson is mesmerizing in the leading role and watching her character undergo a gradual evolution is an experience that stuck with me. There's a lot to explore here, including the ever-changing relationship between predator and prey, how people relate when they both want something, and the ways we view and commodify female sexuality. It isn't always the easiest film, but it's completely worthwhile.

Whiplash

By now you've heard a lot of conversation about how extraordinary J.K. Simmons is in Whiplash. It's all true. The man is a force of nature, completely believable as a repellent figure you'd sell your soul to impress. However, that doesn't mean you should overlook Miles Teller, who also turns in a stellar and impassioned performance as an ambitious young drummer. From a distance, Whiplash looks an awful lot like your typical "Follow Your Dreams" movie, but to leave it at that is to do it a disservice. Where a lesser film would turn away, Whiplash keeps looking. It understands that the pursuit of genius is never simple and the road to excellence requires sacrifices that aren't glamorous or easy. Whiplash is a film of tremendous insight and intensity.

Because it was a pretty great year for movies, I'll include a few more notable films below. Consider these your honorable mentions:

Coherence: This film's low budget doesn't get in the way of its big ideas. A sci-fi piece that centers around a small group of friends holding a dinner party as a comet streaks overhead. Things get weird. People make choices. Oh, and Xander from Buffy is in it.

Jodorowksy's Dune: This documentary tells the story of the Dune that never was, a film that almost made it to production under the direction of oddball genius Alejandro Jodorowsky, then was scrapped.

The Lego Movie: Ambitious, creative, touching, and fun. The Lego Movie proves that films conceived for the purpose of selling toys and making money can actually turn out pretty awesome in the right hands.

Selma: Selma is beautifully shot and emotionally resonant. It take a historical figure who has become more myth than man and brings new life and perspective to his journey.

Wild: Reese Witherspoon kills it in this story of discovery and redemption. This film features great acting and beautiful shots of the Pacific Crest Trail.

Your turn! What were your favorite films of 2014? Do you have a favorite you're rooting for in the Oscar race?

I've been wearing man shoes and I have some thoughts.

A bit of a tomboy, I'm no stranger to shopping in the men's department.

But shoes? I've never considered men's shoes because it just seemed a little… wacky. Like crossing an invisible line.

But I was helping my husband pick out a new pair of work shoes and I realized that some of these dude shoes were actually really cute. So, I went down about 1.5 from my lady size and started browsing through the men's selection. It didn't take me long to find two different pairs of boots that were super cute. I slipped them onto my feet and was stunned. They were comfortable. Very comfortable. There wasn't some mysterious "lady" difference in my feet that kept the shoes from fitting properly. Instead, the boots felt like they'd already been broken in.

Some backstory that you're welcome to skip: I'm a dancer with extremely sensitive feet. My toes, heels and arches blister up at the drop of a coin, I've got high arches and short achilles tendons and I've suffered through issues with my tendons and plantar fasciitis. If I'm standing or walking around, my feet are probably hurting. My younger sister has inherited hundreds of shoes from me because they ended up being so uncomfortable that I couldn't stand to wear them.

This all brings us to today. I've been wearing these boots for a few days. And ladies? I have some things to report.

1. Men's shoes have thicker soles.

It's true. I'm not sure why men get thicker soles on their shoes, but there it is. Lady boots at an equivalent price would have a thin, synthetic sole with very little traction on the bottom. If I planned to wear said lady boots for any period of time, I'd have to get an insole thicker than a classic novel to make them bearable. But not men's shoes. They've got these big, thick rubbery soles that hug the pavement and are never, ever slippery. I feel like I could run in them without falling and hitting my face on the ground.

2. Men's shoes have better quality fabric.

I've bought a lot of shoes and I'm pretty aware of value. To get a women's boot with thick leather or suede, you have to be ready to shell out some major bucks. But men's boots? Quality fabrics are almost a given. Both my men's boots were under a hundred dollars and both have fairly high quality leather that is warm and doesn't soak through to my socks when it rains. They're also soft enough that they doesn't rub my feet and cause blisters. Speaking of which:

3. Men's shoes don't have to be broken in.

What? Maybe I was just extremely lucky in the only two pairs of men's boots I've ever bought. But there has been absolutely no break in process. No carefully selected outings where I know I won't have to walk too much so I don't end up getting stuck somewhere with aching feet. No limping at the end of the day. No whispering to myself that if I can just keep at it, one day they'll be slightly less uncomfortable. Instead, I put the shoes on my feet and walk outside. For reals.

4. Men's shoes are foot-shaped.

Dudes, you might be laughing at me right now. "Of course they're foot-shaped," you say. "What else would shoes be shaped like?" But women know what I'm talking about. You know how it feels to resent your pinky toe. To frown at your heels. To wish your arches weren't quite so high, your calves so big, or the front of your foot so wide. You've spent a lot of your life wondering why you had to get stuck with such difficult feet.

But it isn't your feet at all. It's the fantasy of what a woman's foot is supposed to look like. Thin, delicate and small (and pointy at the front? what's with that?). Heaven forbid any of us have a normal foot. No, we have to squeeze them into the most desirable shape, just like we're supposed to squeeze everything else into the most desirable shape. Forget walking comfortably and existing like a normal human being. Not a priority.

(Just a note: I'm not talking about the occasional pair of impractical, sky-high heels. Those can be fun are supposed to be uncomfortable. I'm talking about the everyday shoes we use to get to work, run errands and walk around downtown.)

5. Men's shoes are durable.

Okay, so I've only had these for a week and I'll have to get back at you with my long-term observations, but these cookies sure seem more durable than the average lady shoe.

My man shoes

It's been a bit of a mind-bender. You don't always know what you're putting up with until you get to step away from it and see how the other side lives. And you can't always step away when your feet are hurting. Why are men's shoes so superior? Why are they more comfortable? And why are they cheaper?

I worked in retail for a while and I observed that men tend to shop differently than women. Your typical man (thought there are lots of exceptions!) will walk into a store and buy what he needs. He doesn't spend long there. Bonus points if he doesn't have to try anything on. Don't expect to see him again until whatever he bought falls apart or starts to smell. Maybe not even then.

Are women vulnerable because we buy more into the fantasy, the experience of shopping? Are we vulnerable because we truly believe that the right accessory will make us better people? The right shoe will change our lives? Is it blinding us to what's actually being provided? Keeping us from realizing the lengths retailers are going to keep us on the treadmill of fashion? Are we really such impractical creatures? And, if so, is it because we were born that way, or because it is what's wanted of us?

There are so many issues at play when you talk about women's clothing. So many historical references you can make which have led us to where we are, from corsets and bustles to bloomers and pants. An obvious line can be drawn from foot binding and heels if you choose. It's never simple with us. It's never straightforward. There's always a world of sexual politics behind every brooch and bouffant, whether we want it there or not. Maybe that will change one day.

In the meantime, I'll be over here with my man shoes.

You can't have it all… but maybe you can have more than you think

Shame is such a persistent element of this modern life. Perhaps it is because we have so much constant input coming in from every angle, a million how-to books, a million blog articles offering advice, with think pieces on productivity, maturity, parenting, spirituality, career choices, nutrition, social justice, politics, and more.

They may be well-intentioned, but it can create a lingering suspicion that we're always doing it wrong. Even if we correct our behavior or opinions in response to a convincing argument, there's an opposing viewpoint one week later. It's good that we're listening, it's good that we're evaluating and challenging our own beliefs, I think it's a sign of positive change, but it's also an awful lot of noise. With time, it can become an awful lot of weight.

Or, maybe that's just me. Perhaps I'm uniquely influenced by guilt. I kept taking piano lessons for years because I thought not playing piano would make me a bad person. I feared I'd end up regretting my choices.

Many times I don't even realize guilt is influencing my behavior.

All of this leads into a book review…

I recently read "The Renaissance Soul: Life Design for People with Too Many Passions to Pick Just One". The title says it all. This is a book for people who are always finding themselves pulled in a million different directions, by a million different interests.

Our culture preaches the importance of choosing. This is especially pervasive in the dance industry. How often have dancers heard variations of the idea, "Dance requires everything"? There's a lot of talk of sacrifice and focus. Dedicating yourself completely. Not doing so makes you less of a dancer. It means you don't love it as much as the next guy.

It isn't only true for dancers. The further you get in any career or field of study, the more focused you're expected to get. I believe it discourages a lot of people. It's easy to get depressed looking at a future of doing one thing forever if that isn't ingrained into your personality.

I've learned that love doesn't always requires exclusivity. Each time I crack open a history book, sit down at the piano (yes, I eventually went back to piano), create a unique design element, or take time out to work on my novel, it isn't making me less of a dancer.

Maybe that sounds obvious and silly to you, but it was a major illumination for me. I needed permission to love a lot of things, even if permission only came from a book. I needed someone to tell me that my art wouldn't suffer if I widened my scope a little. I wanted to be set free of the guilt I didn't even know I was bearing.

The author, Lobenstine, uses the example of Leonardo da Vinci, who followed his curiosity down many different paths. The guy is credited as a painter, sculptor, architect, musician, mathematician, engineer, inventor, anatomist, geologist, cartographer, botanist, and writer. Would anyone dare to criticize him, telling him to focus his interests and dedicate himself to one field? No, because he's frickin' Leonardo da Vinci. For all the paths he took, his Mona Lisa is still one of the most celebrated paintings of all time. I'd argue his diverse interests made him a better artist than he would have been if he limited himself to one field.

That isn't to say I'm anywhere near the level of Leonardo da Vinci, but I do think I have some similar wiring in the way that I approach art. Lobenstine does a great job outlining practical strategies and plans for those with a Renaissance Soul personality type. Though I didn't fill out all the worksheets, they got me thinking in a more productive way and enabled me to create a few of my own plans.

If you think you might be a Renaissance Soul, I can't recommend this book enough. The career plans are great, but the best part is finding permission to embrace your own curiosity.

One Second a Day (sort of)

I have a complicated relationship with the one second a day app. You've probably heard about it by now, but, in case you haven't, I'll outline the basic premise for you.

1.) Download app
2.) Take a video every single day
3.) Edit that video down to one second with the app
4.) Compile into longer videos that encompass a month/year/more

The idea is that by filming one second of footage every day you can create a comprehensive memory of your whole entire life.

Last year, about a year ago, I gave this a whirl. However, there's something about this little project that makes it different from the other photo/video apps out there. When you're posting stuff on instagram, it's easy to come and go, uploading only the images that represent the ideal life that you want everyone to see. It's a lot easier to pretend that you're perfect and amazing when you only post once a week. Or once a month. When you have to contribute one second of video every single day it can get a little.... mundane? Yes. Mundane. Because too many of my days look like this:

1.) Wake up and check out massive bed-head
2.) Stumble through morning routine in a half-awake daze
3.) Go to work
4.) Work
5.) Do laundry
6.) Make dinner
7.) Play Mario Kart
8.) Feel bad for not writing or dancing
9.) Sleep

Repeat.

This does not make for enthralling video. Even when I only need one second. And, though it's normal not to have firecrackers and cake every single day, when you're faced with finding something interesting.... it can get challenging. I can get a bit down.

But it isn't bad that every single day isn't amazing. As an introvert, I don't think I could handle it. Portions of those days are amazing, but it's all stuff inside my head, which doesn't translate well into video. Sometimes I need to be boring so there's room for the ideas to sprout.

Last time I just quietly stopped using the app. Because maybe it isn't for me.

But, now I'm doing it again. Because maybe I don't need this to be the instagram version of my life. Maybe this can be the actual version of my life. Warts and all. Laundry and all. I have enough idealized, glossy images that show me being amazing. I have the things that I create, which are filled with color and excitement. This time I can loosen up a bit. Show the truth. My experience. It isn't always exciting. And that's okay.

What is it about that song?

Being that I work with children and with people who work with children, I hear this question a lot. Sometimes it's whispered in confusion. Sometimes it bursts out like a shotgun. Either way, a lot of adults are wondering the same thing.

Because we've all noticed it. Frozen has taken over the minds of our girls. Specifically, the song "Let it Go".

If you've been hibernating the last few months you might have missed the way this song has swept the nation. You haven't noticed the covers performed by everyone imaginable, the views on the YouTube video crawling up and up, the karaoke cred, the tumblr memes, or the way preteens get glassy eyed and passionate whenever the opening chords begin. If you've been hibernating the last few months, you're probably also very hungry and very annoyed that it's still rainy and cold here in Seattle.

Back on topic.

What is it about that song?

"Let it Go" occurs at a key point in the film, the point at which Elsa has fled her home after losing control of her special ice powers. She's spent most of her life trapped indoors, trying to live up to expectations and keeping a tight lid on her unique quirk. She believes that the way she was born is too large, too powerful, too unpredictable, and too dangerous to be anything except suppressed.

"Let it Go" is when she gives up on that. She realizes that she can't try for normalcy anymore. It isn't going to happen. Instead, in order to be fully herself, she has to live alone.

The reason so many girls have embraced this song is because they identify with it.

They know what it is like to have energy and ambition, emotions like thunderbolts, and strength that they aren't allowed to use.

They know what it is like to suppress all of that in the interest of being a "good girl". They know how to keep quiet, because they've been praised so many times for their silence. They understand artifice, because isn't social success built upon creating an acceptable persona? They fear that if anyone truly sees them for who they are, they'll be rejected. They might even hurt the people they care about.

"Let it Go" offers a dream of defiance. It offers hope, because it tells us that maybe that hateful secret we've been hiding can be beautiful. It suggests that maybe the worlds inside us are worth the cost.

Is it all that surprising that so many kids have gone bonkers for it?

So what do we do with this?

I'm not a parent, so I can't speak as a parent. I can only speak as a teacher and the lesson I'm taking is to leave room for exploration. To not sacrifice creativity for discipline. There's room for both. When done right, dance can provide a safe place for kiddos to get all that energy out and to be bigger than themselves. A place where their quirks can be an asset.

What about you? Does "Let it Go" make your pulse race? Were there any Disney songs from your childhood that had a similar effect on you?

Credit: http://royal-tarts.deviantart.com

While we're on the topic - This news story is absolutely adorable. Cheers to these courageous men who helped a little girl find her own courage. Massachusetts firefighters sing 'Frozen' song to keep little girl calm. 

The Lofgies - 2013 Edition

It's that time of the year again! Presented here, in alphabetical (not preferential) order are my top ten films of the year. Choosing ten favorites was surprisingly difficult, which testifies to how great a year this was. A lot of strong films didn't make the list.

So, with no further ado….

Here they are!

12 Years a Slave

I didn't expect to like 12 Years a Slave. It's a topic that can go bad so easily. In the wrong hands this film could have been preachy, melodramatic, patronizing, or just a miserable slog. Instead, there's a natural and genuine nature to the horrors that unfold. The observational quality of the cinematography means that the film doesn't make any judgements, it merely reveals events as they occur. The slave owners aren't one-dimensional monsters. The slaves walk a fine line between retaining their humanity and ensuring their survival. There's a lot to take away from this film. What did I take away? Perhaps an abhorrence for the all-too-common attitude of entitlement that accompanies commerce. Too often we believe that we are owed the freedom of others. Yeah, it's a historical film, but the messages are still tragically prevalent in this modern age.

Before Midnight

A small percentage of the population has followed the adventures of Jesse and Celine for almost two decades now. Each installment in this series has come to embody a certain stage of life, portraying the way we slowly crystalize into the people we're meant to be as our hopes evolve. What a pleasure it is to get to know these mature, complex and interesting people! What a joy to watch a serious relationship onscreen! Too often we're presented with only the first chapter in the story, the "meet cute" on the train for Vienna. Not this time. This time romance is a luxury buried behind all the irritations, reoccurring conflicts and slights (both real and imagined). Growing up is a painful business, but one with moments of intimacy and beauty that can make it worthwhile. I'd venture to say that not only is this a beautiful and challenging film, but it's also a very important film. I'll be there in nine years for the next one.

Blue is the Warmest Color (La Vie d'Adele)

Most of the press on this film has centered around the lesbian sexy times in it. Yes, there are lesbian sexy times. If you aren't into that sort of thing, this probably isn't the film for you. And, as a few reviewers have mentioned, the sex scenes have a whiff of the straight man's fantasy about them which makes them seem a little… false? But, don't let yourself get caught up in that. There's so many other things to love in this movie. The two lead performances are so genuine that I can't imagine the same film with any other actresses. They so perfectly embodied these two girls. The film is filled with carefully sketched details and small truths that lend it a unique texture. Blue is the Warmest Color tells a simple story of love found and lost, one that we've seen a million times before. But, somehow the experience of watching this movie is like feeling it all for the first time.

Frances Ha

I love Frances! She has such a joyful spirit and sense of reoccurring wonder. Sure, she's not the world's most practical girl, but her resilience helps her face the litany of hard knocks that occur throughout this film. Frances defines herself as a dancer, but she isn't cutting it in the highly-competitive dance industry. The most important relationship in her life is with her best friend Sophie, but Sophie is gradually leaving Frances behind. Her boyfriend? Not really a boyfriend. Her apartment? Well, that's in flux. The best section of this film is the hysterical/tragic Paris vacation. I related so strongly to Frances's mental state in those moments, when she tries desperately to keep clinging to an acceptable narrative for her life. How do you define yourself when everything you want to be is drifting away?

The Great Beauty (La Grande Bellezza)

The scope of this film is massive, dazzling and ambitious. Years ago lead character Jep wrote a highly regarded novel, but since then he's embraced his life as the heart of Rome's social world. Jep is at every party, watching every absurd performance and wandering through the halls of each museum. He's hungry for conversation, for connections and new experiences. He wants to feel everything and nothing all at once. In one scene, Jep explains to a friend the appropriate behavior for attending a funeral. He demonstrates the proper way to comfort the bereaved, the proper clothes to wear, the proper place in which to sit. In his wisdom, he's figured everything out. But, despite this, life and death still touch him. In the instances that they do, the film becomes a masterpiece.

Gravity

People are going to be talking about Gravity for a very long time. The technical achievements are so great that they achieve a new kind of artistry, proving that CGI can be used in a way that is deeply meaningful. The story at the core of Gravity is simple, fight-to-survive stuff. But, through the unique vision of the filmmaking, that kernel of a story flings us out into distances further than we can imagine, challenging us with starkness, majesty and impossible odds. This is a movie that is both gorgeous and terrifying. It's the kind of achievement that pushes the entire film industry forward, giving us a glimpse into the future of cinema.

Her

Her offers another peek into the future. Its universe is slightly more grounded than that of Gravity, revealing moments and ideas that seem both familiar and strange. It's that line between the familiar and strange that defines so much of this film. It brings us into the most foreign situations, and yet we still relate with the experiences of lead character Theodore. "Her" is about love, but it isn't about the kind of love that is only easy and romantic. Instead, the movie reveals the ways love shapes us, for better and for worse, and how the act of loving another human (or computer) is one of the most dangerous and important things we can do.

Inside Lewyn Davis

This film sits very close to the center of my heart. Lewyn is a tragic character with a deeply wounded soul caught in a cycle where poetry is continuously followed by self-sabotage. A talented artist, he's so removed from practicality or conventionality that the recognition and success he wants is forever out of reach. In the same way, this film denies the viewer any sense of catharsis, creating a story that is both painful and astounding. The music makes it great. The songs form a kind of greek chorus, if greek choruses carried guitars and had the power to whisper the souls of their leads. As this movie shows, sometimes the only place meaning exists is in the chords of a song.

Nebraska

Meanwhile, in Nebraska, David tries to keep everything under control as his father, Woody, grows increasingly difficult to control or predict. Despite all evidence to the contrary, Woody believes he has a winning sweepstakes ticket and he's determined to collect at all costs. Nebraska takes a hard look at the way we are shaped by our families and environments, the things we let float by and the moments we put our feet down. It's quietly funny in odd ways and, to anyone who grew up with a bevy of strange relatives, it will feel uncomfortably familiar. This isn't a pretty film. It takes a dingy and unromantic look at life, but one that still allows moments of significance and levity to shine.

The Wolf of Wall Street

If I had to sum up The Wolf of Wall Street in one word, that word would be "audacious". This isn't a movie content with small victories or quiet moments. Instead, it throws every trick at the screen, talking a million miles a minute and showing you everything you could ever want to see. It's the ultimate personification of its hero, Jordan Belfort, matching him step for step and smarm for smarm. Excess looks simultaneously like the best and worst days of your life. The Wolf of Wall Street, through its very determination not to ask questions, has forced a lot of viewers to ask some important questions about prevailing attitudes of entitlement and the problem of wealth addiction.

Honorable Mentions:

Drinking Buddies

Thought its tone is casual and conversational, Drinking Buddies gets to the core of some painful truths. The movie  refuses to give the viewer an easy way out as it explores the murky area where attraction and friendship intersect.

The Hunt (Jagten)

Mads Mikkelsen brings an ample dose of humanity to a challenging role. The Hunt portrays a man at the center of a witch-hunt, trying to dig his way out from the suspicions and hatred of a community that once embraced him.

In A World…

In a World… introduces us to the seedy underbelly of the voice-over industry. Okay, so the underbelly isn't that seedy, but it is funny, charming and fresh.

Prince Avalanche

Deceptively simplistic, this movie hinges on the performances of its charismatic leads. They're both stuck in the middle of nowhere, but for completely different reasons. Growing up with them is a pleasure that is painful, funny and profound.

Mud

Both an adventure film and a coming-of-age story, Mud surpasses both genres. Two boys come into contact with a mysterious stranger who needs their help. Is he a folk hero or something much more dangerous?

Don Jon

Don Jon explores addiction in ways that are both unique and interesting. It has a great rhythm and sense of its own identity, sending its characters stumbling through a series of events where fantasy never quite lives up to reality.


So, there you go! Thank you for sticking around through all of that. What are your opinions on these films? Which do you think is the best? Do you have a different favorite movie for 2013? Let me know!

The Shape of Me

When did it start? I'm not really sure.

Maybe it started when I looked into the studio mirror and realized that my legs no longer went straight down, but pushed out a bit at the sides.

Maybe it started when I sat down in a pair of shorts and noticed that my skin dimpled where it met the chair.

Maybe it started when I learned, through watching and listening, that the greatest sin I could commit as a teenage girl was to be overweight.

When my body became communal property, something for men to size up, for women to comment on and the clearest factor indicating my worth.

Maybe it started earlier.

Whatever the origin, fear took root. The word "fat" hovered just out of sight, a three-letter threat that always waited for me.

The need for praise took root as well. I learned I could get as much praise for choreographing a dance as for losing ten pounds. Twenty pounds? There's no equivalent for that.

The funny, horrible part is that praise only serves to accentuate fear. Beneath the words I can hear, "Good work, you! You've gotten temporarily further from the scary thing!"

.

Look at any group of women. The skinniest is the one who has "won", right? I'm not the only one who has had these thoughts. As if the word "skinny" is some badge of honor we can wear to show that we are easily moved and will not take up more room in this world than we deserve.

Sometimes it feels like we're all in a race to disappear.

.

I ate nothing but celery, soup and water.

I stuffed my face.

I worked out every night.

I did nothing but watch cartoons and lick crumbs off my own tee shirt.

I kept my eyes glued to the mirror watching, not for technique, but for love handles.

I refused to look in the mirror.

I cried in secret. A lot.

I wore the same pair of pants over and over again, because they made me look microscopically less heavy than my other pants.

I lied in my food journal.

I hated every skinny person I met.

I hated every costume I had to wear, because they weren't carefully constructed to conceal all of my misshapen body parts.

.

I have so much regret. For five years of my life, 80% of the thoughts that went through my head were a version of food-related self-loathing. Those were years that were vital to my development, years when I could have been growing, maybe even having an impact. I'm an intelligent person with a hungry mind, a creative soul and a drive to succeed. There's a lot I could have done with that time. Instead, I waged a war against myself, allowing my heart to grow smaller and smaller. That's what I regret. Losing those years.

Letting myself believe that I am only a body.

.

What changed?

I got tired. Hating yourself is exhausting and I decided to stop. It really is that simple.

.

Except it isn't always that simple. I still check myself out every day, hoping I measure up. I still fight to keep the voices away. In moments of weakness, I can still hear them. "You're so ugly. Everyone thinks you're ugly. Everyone sees the cellulite."

I'm not the only one. I'm not the only woman who feels like she's eternally on an auctioning block with her value fluctuating based on the way her jeans fit. The size of her bra.

I'm not the only one who hates looking at herself in photographs, because maybe her smile won't overshadow the fat on her arms.

We can't live up to it. We'll never live up to it. And it pisses me off.

This has us in bondage. Women in this country are literally in bondage, because so many of us believe that the most valuable gift we can give the world is our youth and our beauty. Not what we say. Not what we do. Not how we treat others, how we fill movement with purpose, the stories we tell, the things we feel, the sacrifices we make, the art we contribute, the experiences we share, the ideas we generate, the people we love, the places we visit, the lessons we teach, the mistakes we make, the companies we build, the children we encourage, the jokes we make, the gifts we give, or the blog entries we post.

Just physical beauty - a constantly changing series of parameters defined by others, enforced by others and for the profit of others.

It's a lie.

We are so much better than beautiful.