Reality television is after me

My response to the Dance Moms show on Lifetime:

Yes, I know no one else cares about this. It's just another stupid reality show trying to hitch a ride on the Real Housewives' star. But this time they've come after my profession. Much as I hate to give more publicity to these kinds of things, I've heard so many defenders of the show state, "That's the dance world! If you don't like it, don't participate!" Not true. Abby Lee Miller does not speak for all dance teachers. There's more to be gained from enrolling at a dance studio than tears and abuse.

The first thing to remember is that this is scripted entertainment. Scenarios are introduced by producers and all the people involved are under contract. What you see on your television is not reality, or, if it is reality, it's such a small sliver of the elephant that there's no point in even treating it as reality. I'm aware of this. Still, the show likes to pretend it's giving us insight into the mysterious and crazy world of dance. It doesn't let its viewers know the amount of scripting and scheming that goes on behind the scenes. We're supposed to believe everything presented is genuine. We're supposed to believe that the behavior onscreen is indicative of dance studios everywhere. Let's examine that idea, shall we?

"When a parent opens their mouth, they ruin their child"

Believe it or not, I understand the impulse behind this one. By the time you've had the hundredth parent ask if their five-year-old is ready for pointe, or get angry for not allowing their injured child to practice her fouettes in class, or suggest rescheduling the entire recital so they can watch the game at home, the average teacher might be tempted to utter these words. The truth is, anytime you deal with clients or customers, there's going to be a certain amount of crazy. This gets amplified when you throw something as foreign as dance into the mix. Dance is a culture and if you're outside that culture, it can be difficult to understand how things work. So, yeah, sometimes dealing with parents can be stressful.

However without them we'd be lost. Aside from the obvious, the fact that they enroll their children in dance, they help us in so many ways. They volunteer at recitals and sometimes even sign up for roles onstage. Not because they want to perform, but because they know how much their kids will get out of being in the same show as "Mommy and Daddy". At conferences they try to understand the intricacies of technique, because they want insight into the work their children do. They tell their friends about our studio. They carpool. They help out with costumes. They write positive reviews online and, when there's trouble, they rally on our behalf. Sometimes they even bring us veggies from their gardens. And, at the end of every recital, they wait for their kids, flowers in hand, ready to give them a huge hug. Seeing a daddy beaming over his little ballerina is about the cutest thing in the world.

I'm not the only one who knows this. A studio that doesn't value its parents is not a healthy place to dance. There are plenty of teachers and studio owners out there who appreciate their dance moms and dads.

"Winning isn't everything. It's the only thing."

Now, I'm as competitive as the next guy. Probably more. I really like winning. Back when I was a competitive dancer, I used to do visualization exercises where I imagined myself walking onstage to pick up a trophy larger than I was. But, even as an obsessed teenager, I knew all the hours logged at the studio weren't merely in service of winning. They were about learning to tell a story, to strengthen my body, to work with my classmates, to apply criticism, to present myself with pride, to do things that most people would consider impossible. Many students don't continue dancing after high school. They do other things with their lives. The trophies get donated to thrift stores and are soon forgotten. Winning is a temporary joy. If all we can give our students is trophies, we don't deserve their time.

"You're wearing two-piece costumes. Either sit down and do 100 sit-ups or paint on the abs. One or the other."

This particular quote comes from an episode where the girls (8-10 years old) are given a "sexy dance" to do. The idea is that dancing like the older girls will help them win at competition. Some of you might be familiar with the "Single Ladies" fiasco. I'm guessing that's where the producers got the idea for this particular episode of television. Here's the thing: yes, the sexualization of children in order to win trophies is wrong. I don't think I need to explain why it's wrong.

However, a lot of watchers seem to be under the misapprehension that this kind of thing is normal in the dance community. It is not normal. Do some research and look into the values of your local studios, because there will be ones that share your values. Dance does not equal the sexualization of children. Dance reflects the values of its makers. There are dance teachers out there (many) who are protective of their students and want them to grow up at their own pace. Parents can also change policy. If you are a parent and your son or daughter has been assigned a costume or dance that makes you uncomfortable, speak up! You have the power to create change. In many cases, teachers and studio owners are reasonable human beings willing to listen to your concerns. We're not all like Miss Abby.

Dance is hard work. It takes a lot of time, effort and sacrifice. Even if you are a brilliant dancer, dancing for a living is rough. It's one of the most impractical and unforgiving lives any human being can chose. Yes, there are rewards, but they come at a high price. An eight-year-old is incapable of understanding what this means. There's time to make those choices later. They shouldn't be so focused on their careers at this age. Children who are at the studio every day and competitions every weekend are missing everything else the world has to offer.

Kids need to play. They need to develop outside the studio. They should have friends and enough time at night to do their homework. Dance is a worthwhile pursuit, but it shouldn't be the only pursuit. Not at eight. I understand this. Other dance teachers understand this. Many of us only want the best for our students. Please, don't judge us by the crazy things that come out of Abby's mouth.

The Epic 2010 Movie List

Here it is! Only six months late. This is my 2010 movie round-up and best-of list. Because I hate rating things, I've separated the films into brackets, instead of organizing them by stars or numbers or whatever. I know I watch a strange mixture of movies and I missed a few of the big 2010 releases. So, this list is completely arbitrary and mostly for my own amusement. (Keep in mind that I'm an opinionated thing once I get going). Weee!

The 'Everyone Involved Needs to Apologize to the American Public' Bracket

- Burlesque - I knew this was going to be cliche and awful, but I was hoping it would be fun, cliche and awful. After all, I can watch Staying Alive and Grease 2 over and over again. I love a cheesy musical. But this? This was just boring and bad.

- Knight & Day - Was I the only one who thought this movie was incredibly creepy? Tom Cruise's character seems like a psychopathic and Cameron Diaz's character seems like an idiot for wanting to be anywhere near him. There was one awesome action scene in this film, but the rest should be destroyed. Now.

- The Sorcerer's Apprentice - So much wrong in this movie. The biggest problem? It just isn't interesting.

- Gulliver's Travels - Whoever is responsible for this script needs to be banned from Hollywood.

- MacGruber - Whoever is responsible for this script needs to be banned from Hollywood and publicly flogged. That celery business? Flogging is the only appropriate response.

The 'Didn't Live Up to My Expectations' Bracket

- Alice in Wonderland - I think it suffers from trying to keep everyone happy and, heck, maybe it worked. It sure made a lot of money. But, imagine if we'd had the old Burton in charge of this, instead of the new, commercially viable Burton. Imagine if this version were less Charlie and The Chocolate Factory and more Nightmare Before Christmas or Ed Wood. Now can you see what I see? There were a couple of moments where it almost lived up to its potential, but then that horrible dance at the end destroyed all of my goodwill.

- Due Date - I was hoping for funnier. What more can I say?

- Easy A - I didn't get any of the main character's motivations. She does all this random stuff, but you never get a sense of why. The movie created a huge, complicated mess, then cleaned it up far too easily. I'd have liked a better sense of consequence. Sure, the voice of the character was occasionally engaging, but the actual character was insane.

- Iron Man 2 - It didn't do anything to elevate the formula and it didn't make me care. Boring is the last thing I want from my superheros.

- Micmacs - Gets lost in its own quirkiness. Doesn't know what it is about or what it is trying to do.

- The Tempest - I thought at least it would be a magnificent failure, but it couldn't even muster that. No excitement. No drama. No romance. Just embarrassment and a few lovely costumes. Helen, you did great, but you deserved better.

The 'Left Me Feeling Empty and Cold' Bracket

- The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader - This movie has a job to do. It feels more like watching items get checked off a list, than becoming immersed in a story. It's a shame, because C.S. Lewis deserves so much better.

- Clash of the Titans - Who are these people? Why should we care?

- Date Night - This movie expects its cast to do all the heavy lifting. Yes, the cast is great and very funny, but there is zero sense of peril at any point in the story. Without danger, the concept doesn't work. Instead, it just feels like a prolonged, network television episode.

- The Joneses - This movie has ideas, but doesn't know how to execute them. Very bland, without many tonal shifts. In the end it takes the easy way out, instead of daring to be something special.

- Ondine - Started out as something strong, but went into strange tonal directions and lost most of the sincerity it built up in the beginning. The worst part? The obnoxious child actor for whom was written one of the most horrible precocious child roles I've seen in a while.

- Somewhere - Don't take this the wrong way. I'm a big Sofia Coppola fan. I've really liked her other films. But, Somewhere felt pretentious, self-indulgent and unnecessary. There were a couple beautiful moments, but the rest was static.

The 'Indifferent or Forgotten' Bracket

Because it's the 'Indifferent or Forgotten' bracket, I'm just gonna let these movies sit here and gather dust. Hear that sound? Tumbleweeds. Tumbleweeds falling asleep from boredom.

Centurion
Just Wright
The Karate Kid
The Losers
Red
The Tourist

The 'Worked as a Character Study, But...' Bracket

- Get Low - Some powerhouse acting in this film and genuinely interesting characters. I loved seeing them bounce off one another. The premise is great, but the story ultimately disappointing.

- I Am Love - Hubby and I disagree on this one. He thinks the entire film is brilliant. For me, the melodrama was too apparent and the story too predictable. The notes rang false at several key points. However, I cannot deny the insane, brilliant and amazing performance by Tilda Swinton. That woman should have gotten an Oscar nod. Her exclusion was a travesty.

- I Love You Phillip Morris - If you look only at the parts that tell a love story, then it's a brilliant film. On the other hand, there are so many things that don't add up, so many moments that exist only to draw attention to themselves, and so many info dumps that could have been eliminated. Ewan and Carrey are great, great, great. The script? A little too charmed with itself.

- Let Me In - As a viewer you get to the point where you're breathing in time with these characters. They're fascinating and the world they live in is fascinating. The problem? I felt the line between right and wrong stayed far too clear. When the characters made the wrong choices, I knew why they were doing it, but I never wanted them to. I wish the movie could have blurred the lines a bit more and made me feel like darkness could be a legitimate option. I think, that for the story to work, it needed to do that. It tried, I could feel it trying, but it didn't succeed. There was potential for so much more.

- The Trotsky - First off, I have you tell you, this movie is funny. It is very funny. The dialogue is sharp and smart. Jay Baruchel proves that he can and should be cast in leading roles. I loved watching him onscreen. However, the story is problematic.

- The Illusionist - A quiet little film, this works when we get to see the characters interact with the world around them. There's something desperate and dark beneath the surface of this otherwise charming story that intrigues me. All the same... when it's over there's an emptiness, a sense of distance, and a big question mark over the film. I didn't feel like I'd had a good meal. Instead, I felt like the waiter had forgotten me.

The 'So Close' Bracket

- Daybreakers - Don't laugh, but this movie is a great time. It's got ideas, guts and follow through. It manages to achieve insane, crazy things. It stays entertaining throughout. Yes, it is campy, but that isn't always a bad thing. If only some of the story elements hadn't been so... lazy.

- The King's Speech - Oooh, I'm gonna get flack for this one. Yes, it's everyone's favorite film. Me? Not so much. It came close, but I cannot overlook the unoriginal script. This movie is every inspirational sports movie ever made. You've got the underdog, the unconventional coach, the training montage, the self-doubt and setbacks, the female who encourages and supports our hero, the falling out and almost giving up, and the final triumph. Never was I surprised by anything in this film. Yes, it used a convention and did it very well, but I don't believe this movie did anything to advance the art of film making. The actors were great, but I would have preferred Colin Firth win the Oscar for his performance in A Single Man the year before. That was a movie that slayed me on every level.

- Never Let Me Go - I'm probably biased, because this is one of my favorite books, but the movie let me down (or let me go, if you prefer the pun). There were a few moments it succeeded brilliantly, but the relationship between the characters (kinda the whole point) was simplistic and lacking.

- Scott Pilgrim vs. The World - This movie has style dripping from every corner, but I never wanted the two main characters to get together. That seems like a problem. All the same, it's really cool.

- The Way Back - A lot of interesting stuff happens here, but the movie doesn't make much effort to bring you into the characters. Most of the time you feel like you're watching them from a distance. That's a shame, because so many other elements work.

The 'Surpassed My Expectations' Bracket

- Despicable Me - I totally expected this movie to suck. How wrong I was! Great laughs, a sense of joy and fun, and a story that was almost Pixarian in it's ability to sneak attack emotion. I might have misted up slightly.

- How To Train Your Dragon - Yeah, my expectations were not high for this one, either. How wrong I was! The lead character was absolutely enchanting and the movie made his plight feel real. The world design was breathtaking and the dragons were super cool. On top of that, it made a gutsy choice at the end, which made me respect it even more.

- Tangled - Disney has burned through a lot of my goodwill over the last few years, so I didn't expect much from their latest project. The trailers made it look trendy and annoying, another one of their focus group films. I almost didn't go. But, I'm glad I did. This movie was a joy. Bright, thoughtful, nuanced, and genuinely funny. There were even a couple old-fashioned Disney moments where you just hold your breath and watch the pretty. I gotta give them props on the original villain. It was a good year for animated movies.

- The Warrior's Way - This movie didn't get a very high tomatometer or much buzz upon release. That's a shame. It is a popcorn movie in the best sense. Extremely entertaining and takes the time to develop its characters. Great action and great characters? How often does that happen? Plus, it exists in an imaginative world with high stakes and villains so nasty you'll want to shoot them yourself. Underrated.

The 'Okay, This is Kinda Fun' Bracket

- Heartbreaker - It isn't brilliant, but it is a lot better than most of the romantic comedies Hollywood is churning out these days. Heartbreaker reminds me that romance can actually be fun.

- Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work - A portrayal of a comic desperate for success in a world where the men rule. This movie reveals so many facets of a surprisingly complex woman. I'd almost call it required feminist viewing.

- OSS 117: Lost in Rio - Aha! So this is how movies can be both idiotic and hilarious. I don't always get this kind of humor, but this film is so absurd and ridiculous that I left the theater with a big smile on my face.

The 'Just Plain Awesome' Bracket

- Another Year - Honest and lovely. The characters in this film are so real that I hesitate to call them characters. Engrossing.

- Inception - We've all seen it and we've all talked about. Inception will have a place in our popular culture for years to come. So much respect to Nolan for proving you can make a good, intelligent film and people will come to see it. Lots of people. The man has yet to disappoint me. Brilliant storyteller.

- The Other Guys - Wow, did this ever surprise me. I did not expect to spend the entire movie laughing my head off. I am not a public movie laughter. But, I almost lost it completely at several points. One in particular makes me crack up just at the mere thought of it. Freaking hysterical/brilliant. How did The Tourist get nominated for a Golden Globe over this one?

- The Social Network - Okay, we all know it is brilliant. Performance, writing, directing, everything comes together to create an image of one moment in time. It captures the spirit of our culture in a way that is distinct and thoughtful. People will remember this film.

- True Grit - Not the most Coeny of the Coen brother's films, but beautiful none the less. Though their directorial influence is invisible most of the time, it is assured and masterful. We end up feeling like we know these people and this world in a way we may never come to know our own friends. It's an old fashioned movie and I mean that in the best possible way.

The 'Top Films of the Year' Bracket

- Black Swan - Divisive and rightly so. This is a work of power and passion, so original and immersive that it haunted me for days. Yes, there are elements of melodrama and camp, but it's freaking Swan Lake! It's pantomime, ballet and drama. This is the story, folks. This is the way it has always been told. There are so many layers of meaning to this film that it is insane. I wrote a review here because it wouldn't let go of my brain. When a movie can be so intelligent at the same time that it is completely visceral, I've gotta applaud it. This is art.

- Blue Valentine - It blows my mind that this film was directed by a newbie. It is so quietly competent, so delicately spun, that it feels like the work of a master craftsman. There is not a single moment when the movie is not perfectly on pitch. Yes, I'm using a lot of adverbs here. Yes, Blue Valentine deserves them all. Devastating in a way that transcends language, it still, even months later, amazes me.

- Toy Story 3 - Oh, Pixar. Is it weird for me to say that you give me hope for humanity? I don't know who wrote it, but one of the reviews I read claimed that, "Toy Story 3 is a metaphor for everything." I can't say it much better than that. Thank you Pixar for loving your creations and your audiences so much. Now, stop with this Cars 2 crap and get back to the good stuff!

There you go! Movies. Whew! Yes, I know that the art of filmmaking is extremely subjective and you're welcome to disagree with me on any, or all, of these brackets. So, tell me. What were your top films of the year and why? Did you like or hate my top 3? Thanks for stopping by and I hope you have an amazing Memorial Day!

Reader's log:

44. On Writing - Stephen King